Free · thirteen pages
You Stopped. So Why Hasn't Anything Changed?
The one to read first. Why abstinence reaches the behaviour and nothing underneath it, and what the other four layers are.
Courses and guides
Everything on this site, and who each piece is for
Sex addiction, porn addiction, compulsive sexual behaviour — whichever word you arrived with. What is described here is the version that runs on looking, rating and fantasising rather than on doing, and that can survive years of not doing.
All of it is written and self-paced. Start with the free guide for your track.
If this is you
The recovery track
For men who have stopped the porn, or keep stopping, and found that the wanting, the scanning and the concealing carried on regardless.
Course one · $197 CAD
What This Pattern Actually Is
What sex addiction looks like when there is very little sex in it. Fantasy, appraisal, the private ranking that runs all day, and why dopamine keeps it asking.
Course two · $197 CAD
What Recovery Actually Requires
What has to change for it to count — including the concealing, and what it did to the person living beside it.
Workbook · $37 CAD
The Beneath the Behaviour Workbook
Pages to write on. For noticing the appraisal as it happens, rather than counting days since the last relapse.
If you are a therapist
The clinician track
For the client who is doing everything the abstinence model asks and is not getting better. Nothing here establishes what occurred in any individual case.
Start here
For therapists
The clinician entrance to this site: what the framework is, where it fits alongside the models you already use, and where it does not.
Free
The Porn Stopped. The Concealing Didn't.
What to look for when the behaviour has genuinely stopped and the work has stalled anyway.
Guide · $297 CAD
Working Beneath the Behaviour
A practical guide, not a course: the five layers, what to ask, and how to keep the partner's account in view. No checklists and no scoring.
Elsewhere
The same pattern, from the other side
Three sites, one body of work.
betrayaltrauma.ca
Her side of it
Written for the partner — the woman who has been reading this for years and being told she is imagining it. If you want to understand what the concealing actually did to her, it is the most useful thing on either site.
coercivecontrolcanada.com
The practice behind this work
Coercive control and intimate partner violence: expert reports, evidence and training. Nothing is sold from that site.
What this is, and what it isn't. This is education, not therapy and not an assessment. Nothing here is a diagnosis — I'm a social worker and psychotherapist, and diagnosis isn't mine to give. Nothing here establishes what occurred in any individual case. It is a way of describing something, offered so you can hold it against your own experience and decide what fits.
A note on language. Throughout, the person with the pattern is "he" and the partner is "she." That reflects where this shows up most often, and it isn't the only way it happens.
If you're struggling right now, the 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline is available across Canada 24/7 — call or text 9-8-8. About Elizabeth · The diary · Contact